5 Myths That Keep Men Stuck: Part 2
Welcome to Part 2 of my five part series on the five “myths” or beliefs or perceptions about men that keep us stuck in our relationships and in our lives. They are stereotypes that keep us disempowered and prevent us from fully expressing who we are in the world.
You may review Part 1 by Clicking Here.
In no particular order, the “Five Male Myths” are:
1. Men don’t like to communicate or share their feelings.
2. Men are afraid of commitment
3. Men’s top priorities are power, success and money.
4. Men are only attracted to looks and are only interested sex.
5. Men don’t want to be with or are intimidated by powerful/smart/successful partners.
Now let’s move on to the next myth.
MYTH #2: Men are afraid of commitment.The myth that men are afraid of commitment in relationships is based upon two arguments, one biological and one psychological. The biological argument suggests that on a basic genetic level, men are “designed” to mate/propagate with as many women as possible to continue to perpetuate our species. Therefore, monogamy isn’t the “natural” order of things.
The psychological argument states that a key psychological value for men is freedom and that this is incompatible with commitment. By committing to one person, we lose our freedom, we lose our ability to make our own choices without considering another, we lose our spontaneity, our sense of adventure and worst of all, we lose our sense of self!
Addressing the biological argument, I believe that the ultimate freedom rests in accepting that we ARE biological creatures and that we DO have instincts. We have genetic memory and biological predispositions.
All of this is true and to deny it, is to deny a part of our nature. In the rapid evolution of our species from the hunter/gatherer model into the high-tech, information age, our DNA hasn’t caught up by a longshot!
At the same time, the truth is that using our awareness of our biology, we can exercise some degree of choice and free will in shaping our destiny. We can accept our biology AND choose to make commitments where we believe that they will support our ultimate choices in our lives. We do have that capacity and that freedom to CHOOSE!
Looking at the psychological argument, the truth in my experience is that commitment PROVIDES us with freedom. We create freedom THROUGH commitment.
In my personal and professional experience, when a man has made a commitment to a partner, he frees up a great deal of the energy that he would be otherwise expending in the “mating” rituals that we have in our society. Dating, courting and romancing take up a great deal of physical and psychological energy and time.
Being in a stable, monogamous relationship gives men a certain grounding that allows us to be more focused and “launch” more successfully into whatever our “missions” are in life. I’m not necessarily promoting monogamy nor marriage, especially as marriage isn’t even available to all, I’m just challenging the myth. So let me share some recent statistics with you.
Married men are healthier, happier and richer! According to a 2007 Report by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, married men live longer on average than single men! Married people consume less alcohol, have fewer doctor visits and hospitalizations, and have fewer depressive symptoms. And, according to the 2010 U.S. Census, the median income of married men is 107% greater than never married men.
The facts validate our capacity as men to commit to long-term relationships as well as the benefits of doing so. Again, we can use our consciousness and our free will, our capacity to make choices to transcend our biology and psychology if we desire a monogamous lifestyle. We CAN commit!
If you’ve enjoyed this post on Myth 2, you may read Myth 3 by Clicking Here. Or, you may view my thoughts on all five of the myths that keep men stuck by downloading that Special Report, available immediately when you subscribe to my complimentary Passion Doctor Newsletter at the box at the upper right of this page.
Dr. Adam Sheck
P.S., If you are a man interested in exploring these types of issues and more, I facilitate monthly Men’s Support Groups by teleconference line. Please contact me for more information on the Men’s Group or my other services by Clicking Here!