What Is Libido?

What Is Libido?

As a psychologist and sex therapist, many couples and singles come into my practice complaining about issues of libido. Yes, many actually use that term and so I would like to clarify what exactly it means and how to define and support a “healthy” libido.

The original term, “libido” comes from the Latin, libere, “to be pleasing, to please.” It was popularized by Sigmund Freud, and defined in his context as a “psychic drive or instinct, usually associated with sexual instinct. Freud definitely used it more in the “sexual instinct” sense. Carl Jung on the other hand, [Read more…]

Can Bondage Create Intimacy?

rope bondage 1Can Bondage Create Intimacy?

A number of years ago, I wrote a blogpost about my brief experience in bondage, entitled, “I Dated A Tie-Me Up Girl” which you can read when you Click Here. The bottom line was that is wasn’t for me and that it seemed to create a pseudo-intimacy through vulnerability.

As the Passion Doctor, I have treated many couples (and more-somes) interested in kink, bondage and S&M over the years. I’m not a prude, I’m pretty aware of alternative practices and circumstances invited me to revisit the topic and ask the question again, “Can bondage create intimacy?”

I attended a bondage course with a loved one, called, “Bondage and Meditation” involving the art of Japanese rope bondage.  Now this was more intriguing to me, the meditative aspect of bondage, of [Read more…]

Do You Know Your Couple Sexual Style?

515QFm-O73L._SX373_BO1,204,203,200_When we begin a new relationship, we are usually in that “honeymoon” phase where our baseline sexuality is elevated for a good three to six months, perhaps a year at most. After that, we go back to our normal “sexual style”.

Dr. Barry McCarthy and his wife, Emily posit that there are four basic sexual styles, each with their own set of benefits and caveats. The four styles are:

  • Complementary
  • Traditional
  • Soul Mate
  • Emotionally Expressive

Complementary is the most common style. Each partner may initiate, refuse an advance or suggest an alternative. The benefits are [Read more…]

Study: Fatherhood Decreases Testosterone

fatherhoodreducestestosteroneNew Research: Fatherhood Reduces Testosterone!

A study from Northwestern University  has provided data on an issue that has impacted couples since the beginning of procreation.  While there has been plenty of research on the changes in sexuality for new mothers, what happens to fathers has largely been ignored.  Not any longer!

I have worked with over one thousand couples over the past twenty-five years and quite a few have been new parents wanting counseling because their sex life just isn’t the same as it used to be!

However, this new study by Northwestern [Read more…]

Excuses For Not Having Sex Are Just Excuses!

Excuses1Consumer Reports did a sex survey of 1000 adults and over 80% of the respondents said that they sometimes avoided having sex with their partners.  Yes, we all have legitimate reasons from time to time for avoiding this physical intimacy, yet when we get into the HABIT of avoiding sex on a regular basis, it is indicative of BIG PROBLEMS!

The top six reasons given for not having sex are:

1. TOO TIRED OR NEED SLEEP

2. NOT FEELING WELL OR HEALTH PROBLEMS [Read more…]

5 Myths That Keep Men Stuck Part 4: Men Interested In Only One Thing!

5 Myths That Keep Men Stuck Part 4: Men Interested In Only One Thing!

only one thingWelcome to Part 4 of my five part series on the five “myths” or beliefs or perceptions about men that keep us stuck in our relationships and in our lives. They are stereotypes that keep us disempowered and prevent us from fully expressing who we are in the world.

You may review the series, beginning with Part 1 by Clicking Here. 

In no particular order, the “Five Male Myths” are:
1. Men don’t like to communicate or share their feelings 2. Men are afraid of commitment
3. Men’s top priorities are power, success and money.
4. Men are only attracted to looks and are only interested sex.
5. Men don’t want to be with or are intimidated by powerful/smart/successful partners.

Now let’s move on to the next myth.

MYTH #4: Men are only attracted to looks and are only in interested sex.

From an evolutionary psychology perspective, men are certainly interested in looks and sex. Physiologically speaking, [Read more…]

Women Wine Drinkers Have Better Sex!

Women Wine Drinkers Have Better Sex!

Woman with a very large glass of red wine

We have known for quite some time that drinking one or two glasses of wine is good for the heart. The alcohol and antioxidants in it raise levels of the “good” cholesterol, HDL.

Now, a study of 800 women from the University of Florence is concluding that women who have one or two glasses of wine have better sex than women who don’t drink at all!

Using the Female Sexual Function Index with these women, ranging in age from 18-50, they determined that one glass of wine was better and that two glasses of wine showed the best improvement in sexual functioning.

While I’m not advocating becoming a drinker, it IS interesting research , isn’t it? Feel free to comment with your experience in this area. The Passion Doctor is always interested in YOUR research!

Warmly,

Dr. Adam Sheck

50 Shades: Do Women REALLY Want To Be Dominated?

50 shades50 Shades: Do Women REALLY Want To Be Dominated?

In light of all of the crazy success and publicity of Fifty Shades of Grey,  it would TRULY appear that something in the collective unconscious is being tapped into.  Everyone is TALKING about it, yet is it what women really want, to be submissive to a man, to be dominated?

As a psychologist and couples counselor, I’ve been asked this question by men, women and couples for the last twenty years. I’ve blogged about this before, yet given the impact of 50 Shades, it seems worth revisiting.  My specialty is helping couples bring back the passion in their relationship and using fantasy is one way of doing this.

I’m not going to address the whole S&M/B&D subcultures here, as it’s the larger issue that is being brought to the forefront of our consciousness.  How much is fantasy and is better served staying that way and how much is worth exploring and experimenting for a couple?

It’s an individual decision for each couple.   [Read more…]

Passion & Purpose Podcast: 5 Biggest Mistakes Single Women Make!

Download this episode (right click and save)

5 Biggest Mistakes Single Women Make While Looking For Love!

I am so very excited at the quality of my guests on the Passion & Purpose Podcast as well as the outstanding feedback I am receiving on the shows. This week’s guest is exceptional as well. She is my friend and colleague, Eva Clay and she is not only an LCSW psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, and a sex & intimacy coach, she is unbelievably brilliant, the perfect combination of book smarts combined with living fully in her heart and in her bodacious body.

Eva Clay

She has been a professor at both USC and UCLA (isn’t THAT and interesting balance for those of you in So Cal?) as well as a tantrika and a creator of ecstatic dance.

She is reinventing herself yet again and using her own life as the experimental proving grounds for her own theories about relationships, intimacy and sexuality.

Listen to us discuss her formulation of the Five Mistakes Single Women Make While Looking For Love. She walks her talk and [Read more…]

Better Sex Tips For Couples With New Babies

Peeking outBetter Sex Tips For Couples With New Babies

I recently started seeing a married couple for counseling and one of the major issues was about sex. This isn’t uncommon for a couples and sex therapist, of course, but their special twist on the issue was that the wife had given birth to their first child about two months ago.

Her physician had given her the “official” go ahead, her husband felt he had been extremely patient and now he wanted to reconnect with his wife in a sexual way. The new mom, on the other hand, wasn’t so sure she was ready. And so they came to see me for help. What I shared with them is as follows:

This is not an uncommon occurrence for first-time parents and the short answer is [Read more…]