It seems to me that for the most part, New Year’s resolutions focus on the tangible, focus on “stuff,” focus on material things. Or we focus on what we want to REMOVE from our lives – “I want to LOSE weight or STOP smoking or STOP fighting with my spouse.
And we have differing levels of success in these resolutions to REMOVE things from our lives. Ask anyone who’s tried to stop something, tried to end a “bad” habit or an addiction. If they’ve been successful, it probably has taken them a number of times to achieve their result. And for many, it takes a great deal of energy to MAINTAIN the result.
And yet, when it comes down to it, what most people really want is to ADD something to their lives. And what they want to ADD is far less tangible than what they say they want to STOP.
People come into my office (or we work by telephone) and after enough questioning, what they really want is to ADD certain feeling states to their lives or INCREASE these feeling states.
I want to FEEL good.
I want to FEEL peaceful.
I want to FEEL love.
I want to FEEL excited.
I want to FEEL creative.
And while we may feel that we have some limitations as to what we can control in the material world, we often have a great deal of control over our inner states, our feeling states, our reactions to the events of life.
And the truth is, that most of these FEELING states that we want to experience, are NATURAL states, that already exist within us, that are just waiting to be called back into our lives. So in reality, we’re not even ADDING them. We’re only just reconnecting to what already exists, although for some it might be dormant or quite deeply buried.
And once we connect, truly connect to these FEELING states, it really doesn’t take much to MAINTAIN them, as they’re natural states. It doesn’t take the same “white knuckle” energy that it takes to sustain an unpleasant diet in order to meet an arbitrary weight loss goal.
As long as the methods we have for generating these FEELING states are consistent with our VALUES (internal principles that we live by), and BELIEFS (formulas for living based upon the meanings we have attached to past events) there is no conflict.
And as an added benefit, once we CONNECT to and maintain these feeling states on a regular basis, we may notice that we naturally gravitate towards the MATERIAL goals that we had as well.
Now I’m not saying that connecting to these states after living lives in less resourceful states is a piece of cake. It takes FOCUS, DISCIPLINE AND COMMITMENT. Yet, it can be done.
HOW we do that, is the work, and probably a little more than can be explained in this newsletter. The basic components though, are:
1. Determine the feeling states that you would like to experience on a regular, daily basis.
2. Determine what actions you can take on a daily basis to experience these states.
3. Commit to taking these actions on a daily basis.
Now, if you’ve done all this, and you notice that you still aren’t taking the identified actions, you probably need some support in dealing with the BLOCKS you might have in doing so.
Some of these BLOCKS might have to do with your past, with earlier events, perhaps from your childhood, where you might have acquired some limiting BELIEFS, which prevent you from taking action.
Possibly not, though! The BLOCKS might also be in WAYS of thinking or conceptualizing what you want. We “professionals” call this a PARADIGM shift. Or the BLOCKS might be INFORMATIONAL. If you had the proper information, you might be able to achieve what you desire.
So, you might need some support in dealing with these BLOCKS. You might need to work with a counselor, a psychologist, a coach, a spiritual advisor. This is a big part of the work I perform with people, individually and in teleseminars.
So, for some of you, this might be a different perspective to take on life, committing to expressing certain feeling states. For me, it’s about living each day with meaning. It’s about making a difference in someone’s life, touching someone, enriching someone, creating a moment of deep connection. You can experience more of the life you desire!
As always, I welcome your comments and thoughts about this.
Dr. Adam Sheck
P.S., If this has inspired you in some small way, please share it with a friend.