Can anyone possibly answer the question of what women want? It certainly is a question for the ages! Over a year ago, I wrote a blogpost entitled, “What Do Men Really Want In Relationships?”and it got the most comments of anything I’ve ever written on the Passion Doctor blogsite and the reprint at the Good Men Project. It sparked a strong reaction, both in women that loved it and women that hated it. No one was on the fence.
Interestingly enough, there was only a few male responses which mainly seemed supportive of my thoughts. In that post, I promised a sequel, speaking about my thoughts and experience as a psychologist and couples counselor on what women want, and after long contemplation I have finally written it.
You might ask, who am I to say what women want, being a man and all? I’ve worked with many a women over my last twenty years as a psychotherapist (statistically, about 80% of psychotherapy patients ARE indeed women). My private practice these days is about 50% couples and the rest are clients mainly with relationship issues. So, I’ve heard both sides of this story for a very long time.
So I feel somewhat competent and qualified to share my perspective on what women want from their PARTNER in a relationship. Most of my clinical experience is with heterosexual women, though I have worked with a few dozen lesbian couples over the years.
And what women want in a relationship seems pretty consistent, across the board. I originally started writing this article by talking about the qualities a women wants in a partner, but changed my focus as it has been written about ad nauseum already (women want safety, security, a partner they can trust, a partner with certainty, a partner with a mission, yada, yada, yada …). All are true and yet they are more effects of this one other component.
The primary ingredient that a woman wants in a relationship is: CONNECTION. The other pieces all flow from that. Connection is what makes a woman FEEL safe and secure, what makes her feel important and special, cherished and adored, and especially LOVED.
Women want to feel INCLUDED in their relationship. Included in decision-making, included in the shared vision that they create with their partner, included in their partner’s heart, included in the lovemaking. Women in general want to be made love WITH, not made love TO!
What women want is to be accepted by their partner. Accepted for who they ARE and accepted for who they are NOT. We all have enough insecurities without our partner adding to the list. And this, after all (at least to me) is the ultimate definition of LOVE: to be accepted for who you are and who you are not.
And we can take that even one step further if we really want to go the distance! We can not only accept our partners for who and what they are and are not, we can CHERISH our partners for these qualities. We can APPRECIATE them for these qualities. We can even ADORE them for these qualities.
Oh yes, there is this one caveat though. Unfortunately (for most men, at least), connection with a woman often begins with the “T” word: TALKING! And therein lies a big dilemma. Which I will have to write about another time 😉
So ladies (and gentlemen) what is your reaction to what I’m saying, to what I calling “what women want” ? Does it make sense? Do you agree? Do you believe I’m full of it? Please let me know.
Thank you so much,
Dr. Adam Sheck
If you’re interested in more of my thoughts about relationships and creating passion and purpose, please download my Free Special Reports, “20 Rituals For Romance!” and “The Secret To Owning Your Mission!” by subscribing to the Passion Doctor Newsletter at the top of this page.