It’s been two months since our first child was born. The doctor said that after 6 weeks we can have sex again, but I don’t really feel like it. My husband is definitely ready though. What should I do?
Tired & Torn
Dear T & T
This is not uncommon and the short answer is to be patient, communicate your feelings and let nature take it’s course. Your body may be healed sufficiently to begin to have sex with your husband again after 6-8 weeks, but emotionally it may take longer.
At this point your energy level and sexual desire will most likely not be up to your usual level. And, your body is changing. It’s changing physically and you may view it emotionally in a different way than before as well.
You may feel more maternal than sexual. Your perception of your breasts may have changed from an erotic zone to a feeding zone.
Breastfeeding causes estrogen levels to drop; estrogen affects not only the libido, but also the lining of the vagina, which can became dry, making sex painful. Your physician can help you with issues like these.
Add to physical and emotional changes, the fact that you haven’t been physically intimate, physically connected in that way for quite some time. Be patient with yourself.
It’s okay to take your time in reconnecting. And it’s important to communicate with your husband about this. He has most likely been quite patient and wants to reconnect with you in one of the ways that he knows how to.
Men often are more comfortable connecting with their partners in a physical way than an emotional or verbal way. So, he is probably missing the connection with you as much as he’s missing the sex, maybe even more.
So begin to connect on a physical level again, even if it’s not a sexual level. Get back to the physical intimacy and closeness. Touch, kiss, massage, rub each other’s feet, hold each other, cuddle.
Create a romantic scenario, even if sex isn’t the goal in that specific moment. Visualize romantic scenes as well, to prime the “pump” of the unconscious.
Be patient, can take a good three months to two years to get your sex life back to “normal.” And of course, by then you might be thinking of having another child! And it starts all over again!
Bottom line: Communicate!
Normalize the experience of just having a baby and know that it takes time to get back into a rhythm. Be realistic
Be realistic, AND make it happen anyway. Make it a priority, if that’s what you choose to do.
Thank you so much,
Dr. Adam Sheck
If you’re interested in more of my thoughts about relationships and creating passion, please download my Free Special Reports, “20 Rituals For Romance!” and “The Secret To Owning Your Mission!” by subscribing to the Passion Doctor Newsletter at the top of this page.
I had a break up in February before the Valentine day. My boyfriend of 1.5 years had planned his Valentine away from me with his sister and old parents, which was so unusual, as he did not communicate this beforehand and the news came as a dramatic surprise. I was extremely upset and we had the emotional scene, I asked him to leave if he did not treat our relationships seriously. I said what I expected: long- term committed relationship etr. I am in love with him . He replied saying that what we had were the happiest moment, but he did not really live in Switzerland and he had some family obligations. that was a hurting experience, the next morning he had gathered his things and left saying that it was possibly for the best. he is on the cross road in his professional life etr and confused about many things.
I did not hear from him for 7 months. a couple of days ago he had a birthday, I sent him a short birthday message with some pictures attached which he has never seen before.
the reply was very laconic ( how lovely you are, you touched my heart, thank you very much). period. no other words….
I am not sure about the reason of his leaving, and whether he had any relationships in UK where he lived before coming to work in Switzerland or else.
I am in love, and i do not know what to do and or should I ask him a direct question? why?
I need him back so much.
Please advice as this is the only small communication bridge left between us… I even not sure if he is still in Switzerland or back to UK.