The theme of “kissing” seems to be coming up a lot in my couples counseling and relationship coaching practice lately. To honor that, I’m asking the following question, “Does kissing have an expiration date?”
It seems quite important as a barometer of intimacy and connection in a relationship. If you haven’t already read my previous post, “It’s All In The Kiss” you can review it here.
As “The Passion Doctor” I have written a great deal about the ebb and flow of passion in relationships and how to bring it back and reignite that romantic spark. Part of the problem comes from being stuck in the “power struggle” stage of a relationship.
To recap, the Three Stages of Relationship are:
1. The Honeymoon Stage.
2. The Power Struggle Stage.
3. The Conscious Relationship Stage.
For a more in-depth discussion of the stages, you can refer to my post: “The 3 Stages of Relationship” by clicking here. Basically, during the “Honeymoon” stage, we are “in love” and flooded with the hormones and neurotransmitters of love and the passion is high. As these chemicals begin to diminish and the “Power Struggle” sets in, passion often begins to wane.
Back to the topic of this article, “Does Kissing Have An Expiration Date?” Perhaps the following scenario is one that you can relate to. You meet someone, discover you have chemistry and begin to pursue a relationship. The relationship becomes romantic and physical with that first kiss. Perhaps it’s an awkward first kiss that improves over time, with “practice” or perhaps it’s incredible from the start.
This is the time that recalls our high school (or perhaps college or later) experiences with “making out” for hours and hours. We savor each moment, each feeling, each sensation that arises in our body. We are excited by the thought of reconnecting with our partner, of touching them, smelling them, tasting them. We want to devour them, consume them and the kissing is a huge part of this.
At some point, the relationship becomes more sexual, and eventually is consummated and perhaps the kissing doesn’t have the same priority or importance. Sadly, for some, kissing becomes the means to an end, the end being intercourse. Eventually, a kiss might become such a rare occurrence with our partner that it merely becomes a signal that it’s time to have sex. “Making love” becomes less about love and more about routine.
At this point, has “The Kiss” reached its expiration date? Have we lost the capacity to enjoy the intimacy, the deep connection of kissing?
To me, “The Kiss” is the barometer for the passion in the relationship. When I begin counseling new couples it’s one of the first questions I ask, “When was the last time you kissed, REALLY kissed your partner passionately?” The answer is quite diagnostic for the state of their relationship. No, it’s not all about the physical, it’s really about the connection as I describe in the previously noted post.
My work is to help couples to reignite the passion and rekindle the romance in their relationships. To do this, I need to help them reconnect. Because men and women connect in different ways, I help couples to bridge the gap and find their own unique solutions. And “The Kiss” is a pivotal part of this. In fact, I will often have a couple kiss during our session (I generally leave the room, unless we’re doing a Skype or telephone session, of course).
So, what are YOUR thoughts about this oh so important issue? What is your experience with “The Kiss” and do you believe that there is an expiration date? I look forward to your thoughts and comments.
Dr. Adam Sheck
If you’re interested in more of my thoughts about relationships and creating passion and purpose, please download my Free Special Reports, “20 Rituals For Romance!” and “The Secret To Owning Your Mission!” by subscribing to the Passion Doctor Newsletter at the top of this page.