I have written extensively about the topic of intimacy in the context of romantic relationships, such as my post, The Secret To More Intimacy. Or course, we all agree that intimacy is a critical part of that type of relationship. No one would argue with that. I have also written about the issues with sexual intimacies that face entrepreneurs in my post, Do Entrepreneurs Have More Sexual Problems?
However, what is the critical role of intimacy in your business and in your business relationships? That is an issue that hasn’t been explored much and I was inspired after being interviewed by my friend and Success Coach, Jeffery Combs, when he asked me that exact question.
Let me first define intimacy. My definition of intimacy comes from the re-languaging of it into: Into-Me-I See. This defines intimacy as an inner process of self-discovery and of self-knowledge.It is about me knowing me fully, truly and authentically and sharing that “me” with others. Hopefully they will also share their “me” with us.
Regarding intimacy and your business, two key issues come to mind. The first is the issue of authenticity and integrity in business and the second is the role that our unresolved childhood issues play out in our careers and in our business life when we are not genuine and intimate.
Let’s start with the issue of authenticity and integrity. Many people adopt a business “persona” when they first begin conducting their business. They become more stilted, more “professional” sounding and significantly less natural and at ease.
I’m just as guilty as anyone in that area. When I first started doing podcast interviews and videos, I received excellent feedback on my content, but often was told that my true personality didn’t come through. I wasn’t presenting myself as I do in person with my clients. The virtual connections were lacking intimacy and the listeners could discern this. Fortunately, I took the feedback to heart and improved.
When we feel insecure, anxious, self-doubting, self-critical, we will often put on that “professional” facade. However, it isn’t us. It is what is defined psychologically as a “false self” and it doesn’t serve us. It is there to protect us psychologically from our anxiety, insecurity and feelings of being overwhelmed, but it doesn’t really work.
Even if our clients and coworkers accept the persona, how can we ever trust that they know, like and trust US and who we really are. They only like our false self! We’ve sold them a bill of goods and now they’re doing business with someone who isn’t authentic. Where is the integrity? This may cause us to suffer from the Imposter Complex. Sound familiar?
It’s only when we are truly ourselves and let our light shine, that we will trust ourselves and consequently others will trust us as well. When we are genuine and authentic, our relaxed, natural power, charisma and personality will reveal itself. THAT is how to cultivate intimacy!
With that radiance, our clients will tend to match our intimacy with their own. They will be genuine and authentic with us. From this place of integrity and intimacy, if our services match the needs of our clients, they will gladly choose to do business with us. Authenticity is the basis of any ongoing relationship, in this case, an ongoing business relationship.
The second issue I’d like to explore regarding intimacy and your business, is the issue of our unresolved childhood issues. This may sound like psychobabble to some of you, but I can assure you, after almost 25 years of practice as a psychologist, couples counselor and relationship coach, it really impacts us, both personally and professionally.
When we are unconscious about our issues, and adopt that false self, we tend to recreate our unresolved family dynamics in our relationships: both our personal relationships and our business relationships. After all, that is the unconscious template we have stored in our neural network, isn’t it?
Haven’t you dealt with a boss who reminds you of your overbearing father? Or your self-sacrificing mother? Or your arrogant, know-it-all uncle or someone else? Isn’t it even more challenging to deal with, because of the added charge from the family issues you still have?
Even more important, when YOU are the authority figure in your business, your team will tend to be a replicated microcosm of your family as well! Take an open, honest look, isn’t there some of that going on? Or, on the flip side, even more painful, we may project onto our team the unhealthy, unresolved aspects of ourselves!
If you are a procrastinator, how do you challenge the procrastinators on your team? If you are whiney and complain, how to you challenge them? If you are angry and act out, how do you challenge someone else’s anger and acting out? Until you confront yourself, you won’t be able to confront anyone else!
Bottom line, the more you deal with your unresolved issues, the less they will play out in your life, in this case, your business life, your career. The more you let go of the past, the more authentic you will be in this present moment and the more effective you will be in your life and in your business. Authenticity is the hallmark of intimacy.
Be more open, honest and intimate with yourself. Be more open, honest and intimate in your business. The difference in your results will be like night and day.
Dr. Adam Sheck
P.S., If you are seriously committed to support in being more authentically intimate and successful in your life, you may schedule a complimentary telephone consultation with me to explore how I might support you, by CLICKING HERE!