Is Marriage Obsolete?
According to a poll by Time/Pew, about 40% surveyed felt that marriage is obsolete! Almost 50% answered “no” to the question, “Do you want to get married?” About 70% answered “yes” in 1960!
The most desirable qualities stated in the survey for a good husband/wife/partner were:
1. Is a good father or mother (over 90%)
2. Puts family before everything (over 70%).
3. Is a good sexual partner (about 50%)
Here is a link to the original Time/Pew article: Click here
My work is to help couples move through their relationship issues, deepen their commitment and create more passion in their lives. Do you believe that the FORM of the relationship affects the COMMITMENT to the relationship? All relationships exist in a context and what do you believe the changing context of committed relationships mean for ultimate future for relationships?
The times, they are a changin’ an I’d like to know how YOU feel about marriage these days. Please comment below and let me know. This IS important!
Thanks so much,
Dr. Adam Sheck
If you’d like to improve your NON-OBSOLETE relationship, please download my Free Special Report, “20 Rituals For Romance!” by subscribing to the Passion Doctor Newsletter at the top of this page.
I’m a woman in her mid-30’s who is independent and has a post-graduate degree. I knew early on that motherhood was not in the cards for me as far as priorities and life goals were concerned. I consider marriage a contract that was established largely for the purpose of formally establishing the division of labour between men and women. Women had the kids, raised them and took care of hearth and home – which, of course, meant that they were going to be dependent on someone to be a provider – this would be where the men came in. In turn, he had access to a woman for his needs, be they what they may, and had done his part to pass on his genes. In this respect, women who lived within a society that played by these rules were essentially an extension of the man’s property (which is indicated by the fact they took his last name). Love and romance usually didn’t have much to do with marriage – a lot was based on it being either a business or political move. You don’t need a contract to love someone or to want to share your life for someone. For me, those are stronger when there is no contract involved and it is of free will. We of course don’t have such rigid gender roles anymore, and more people are questioning the rationale for marriage. We are also given the opportunity to grow and develop – and it may be in different directions than the person we chose to have in our life at a certain stage. My two cents.
Yes, the original purpose of marriage has changed somewhat, at least in some parts of the world. The idea of marriage for love and romance is only a few hundred years old though. Thanks so much for sharing your “two cents” on this.
Marriage is not obsolete! The important part of the marriage is the vows that are taken. Unfortunately people do not take them very seriously anymore. It is absolutely possible to have a loving, committed, faithful relationship without a single thought to marriage. The vows, however, are the difference. There are the common words to be spoken, but you have the option of writing your own as well. It is absolutely not obsolete to stand before the God of your choice or the law and vow a commitment to another individual.
I wonder if it’s the lawsuit mindset of the current age that makes marriage seem like a liability or the lack of trust of each other? Maybe our generation has become so self absorbed that teaming up with another individual is just incomprehensible, unless there is no legal commitment? Maybe even highly public and vindictive divorces? Maybe values are too fuzzy and confused to find a person that holds the same?
It certainly is a risk. Who knows what the other person could do? The greatest partner in the world could have an affair after 20 years of marriage or turn up with an addiction. But, I do not think a marriage is something to happen and then be put on a shelf. You have to love each other and work together toward a common goal (a happy marriage). With the exception of extreme cases of abuse, I really do not think there is any reason for a marriage to fail if both people hold to their commitment. Happiness is a choice and when you choose to bring another person into your happiness it has to be a team effort.
I agree, a relationship is not a static thing. Commitment is not something that is made once and then put on the back burner. Relationships need to be renewed and recommitted to each day or we take our partners for granted and live unconscious relationships.
Thanks for sharing,
Ashes, you are indeed an intelligent and mature woman! I am a woman in my mid-50’s who has been married and divorced twice. Honestly, I’ve only met one person in my lifetime that I believe I could have spent my whole life with. Ironically, that person was neither of my ex’s. I’ve found myself to be happier after each divorce. I am able to be happy alone, most likely because of my Introverted personality. So, am I simply predisposed to being unmarried or have I just not been married to the “right” person? I have been pondering these things lately…not sure exactly why. I guess for some, marriage is and will always be a necessity. I too am questioning the rationale for marriage. This is a good post, Adam. Maybe lots of folks need to think about this!
Interesting questions you raise, both for yourself and for all of us. No one has to live a cookie cutter relationship or a marriage that is predefined either. Some don’t want/need to have as much contact as others and that’s okay as well. It’s not as much finding the “right” person as being true to the person you are and negotiating the rest with whomever you are with, at least to me.
Thanks for sharing,