It’s almost the end of another year and most counselors, coaches and self-improvement experts seem to feel obligated to blog about it. I have written New Year’s posts before, including one on creating new emotional states in Why Wait For The New Year To Make Changes?
My focus is usually non-traditional, as I’m not all about goals and resolutions that in general won’t be achieved. Until we deal with the underlying causes, we will continue to have the same effects of not having what we say we want.
In this post, I’m getting right to the heart of the matter which is all about letting go: letting go of the past, letting go of old thoughts and feelings, letting go of old pain, letting go of old relationships, letting go of poor decisions, letting go of blame, shame and guilt.
Are YOU ready to let go? Until you let go, you will never be fully available to the many opportunities that present themselves in life. Until you let go, you will always have anchors from the past slowing you down, dragging you down. No one can force you to let go. You can only let go when you CHOOSE to let go, when you are ready to surrender!
Most of my work with my clients is about getting them connected enough to why they hold on as well as how much pain they perpetuate by holding on. When they sit in those powerful, painful feelings long enough, they have more willingness to let go and surrender to the healing process. That work is beyond the scope of this short blogpost, yet I will share with you two approaches I use with my clients when they are finally willing to let go.
Letting go is a psychosomatic experience. By this I mean that it is held in the psyche, as thoughts and feelings and in the somatic, the body, as chronic muscular tension and pain. Don’t confuse this with the misuse of “psychosomatic” as someone with hypochondriasis.
To let go from the perspective of thoughts and feelings, I often have my clients write letters to those they are still holding onto, whether an ex-relationship, a family member, an authority figure or someone else.
The letters are structured to go progressively deeper into their feelings states, starting with the feeling of anger, and sequentially descending, one feeling/paragraph through to sadness, then to fear, then to remorse and finally to the love and forgiveness that is ultimately underneath where the true release is.
I describe this process in great detail in Video Three of my free “Broken Hearts Can Heal” Video Series available for immediate download at www.brokenheartscanheal.com. This is a powerful release process that I recommend whether you currently have a broken heart or not.
To let go from the somatic perspective, you must release physically, from the body. We experience our wounds through our bodies and we must also let go through them. There are many modalities for achieving this, ranging from Primal Scream Therapy to Gestalt Therapy to Bioenergetic Analysis to Trauma Release Exercises. Each has a series of techniques and I borrow from them all in working with my clients.
The simplest, yet most powerful exercise I can share with you is to “shake it off.” This is what the wildebeest in the wild does after it survives the lion’s attack. It gets up and literally shakes the stress reaction out of it’s body. I give you more details and demonstrate how to do this on my Video Tip: Letting Go By Shaking It Off.
Whatever you do, COMMIT to letting go of whatever is dragging you down. It’s exhausting and you deserve better. Watch these two short videos and practice the techniques. They are free and easy, so you have no excuse. You are always welcome to contact me if you need more support.
Isn’t it time to surrender and let it go? Have a GREAT New Year!
Dr. Adam Sheck