A (not so) New Paradigm For Relationship!
Are you currently in or wanting to explore the concept of a ‘Designer’ Relationship?
Do any of these thoughts or conversations sound familiar?
“We’ve lost the spark and I want to spice it up with a little kink. My partner is open to the idea, but is a little afraid of it and we’re not quite sure what to do or how to do it or …”
“I want to open up the relationship. My spouse wants me to be happy but we’re not sure how to do it without sabotaging what we already have.”
“We opened up our relationship six months ago. My partner liked it initially but now is jealous all of the time and doesn’t trust that I will stay in the relationship.”
“We just became a ‘thruple’ and it’s really challenging to set workable boundaries and agreements. We need some help getting it together.”
“I want to work with a ‘Pro-Dom’ but my husband thinks that is cheating. It’s not like I would have sex with him, so what’s the problem?”
“We’ve been in a non-monogamous relationship for a long time. Now my partner wants to “close it” and be monogamous. I’m not sure I agree and not sure what to do.”
If you are serious about navigating through a non-traditional relationship, please keep reading.
Do you want any or all of this?
You want to feel empowered in your unique form of relationship! You want acceptance, respect and recognition that you are in an authentic relationship with an authentic form of sexuality.
You want the acknowledgment that your relationship is genuine, that it is legitimate and healthy, not a throwback to old childhood wounds and so-called pathology. You want to be free of shame, guilt and fear in expressing yourselves authentically.
You want to explore your sexual edge and connect with your partner(s) in an even deeper way! You want to spontaneously express your feelings towards your partner(s) through your chosen form of lovemaking.
You want to set clear boundaries and create formalized agreements within your relationship. You want to minimize conflict and maximize the freedom to explore. You would like to feel heard and understood.
You want a safe, consensual relationship where everyone wins! You want to be able to negotiate for what you do and don’t want. You want to be able to say ‘no’ without guilt.
You want to feel good about being ‘bad’ don’t you? You want to connect to your deepest sexual phantasies and express them to your partner(s) and feel that they (and you) are okay. And perhaps you’ll even live some of them out.
You want to PLAY together! You want to connect to the pure joy of being together, however that may look and feel. Life is serious enough, isn’t it?
You want to reignite and sustain the passion of your relationship! You want the depth that comes from the deepest connections, the deepest intimacies. You want to be able to share on a deep, loving, and meaningful level.
And of course, you want to be able to handle the ‘normal’ day-to-day issues that we face in every relationship, even the ‘vanilla’ ones. You want to face them with compassion and empathy.
This is some of what partners in non-traditional relationships have told me they want as a result of working with me.
And all of this and more is possible with the proper information, tools, coaching and support. It requires the commitment and willingness to take consistent action in order to make it happen.
I’m Dr. Adam Sheck, known as the Passion Doctor. As a Clinical Psychologist, Couples Counselor and Sex Therapist, I’ve worked for over 25 years supporting singles, couples and non-traditional relationships to have the best relationships possible.
With over 20,000 client hours under my belt, I’ve seen a lot and worked with many different relationship issues successfully. There’s a good chance that I can help you as well.
If you were able to achieve and sustain the relationship you desire on your own, you already would have done so. You wouldn’t even be looking at this website, would you?
We can all benefit from expert support and coaching. Working with me might be exactly what you need right now.
What you can expect from working with me
If you choose to work with me, you will begin to see your relationship in a whole new way. It might blow your mind to discover a different paradigm of relationship. As we work together, you will begin to understand:
The Psychology of Attraction: how biochemistry and our unconscious motivations influence how we choose our partners and what we are truly seeking in relationship.
The stages of relationship: the three stages a relationship progresses through and where you might be stuck.
Your relationship blueprint: the inner template that guides your relationship and how it interacts with the blueprint of your partner(s). Learn how your patterns play themselve out, over and over (and over)!
The “fight or flight” reaction: how you and your partner(s) trigger each other’s physiological responses in a heartbeat, before you’re even aware of it.
The role of conflict in relationship: we have been conditioned to believe that conflict is always negative. News Flash: it is possible to learn to use conflict consciously to navigate into deeper connection and intimacy.
Of course, understanding is not usually enough to create change. If you are committed and willing to do the work, you will take these learnings and insights and use them to:
1. Wake up from an unconscious relationship that is running on “cruise control” and create a more conscious, intentional relationship.
2. Create deeper levels of safety, vulnerability and emotional intimacy. Set healthy boundaries and make empowering agreements in your relationship.
3. Communicate so that you will feel heard and understood — and so will your partner(s)!
4. Have a safe environment to play and experiment! Explore and be able to deal with whatever issues may arise during your exploration.
5. Reignite your romantic spark and create more passion: emotionally, physically and sexually.
This is what working with me will be like:
You’ll learn skills, tools and exercises to help your relationship. My ultimate task is to put myself out of a job. I want you to be able to be responsible for your relationship and have the skills to make it the best it can possibly be.
I’ll expect you to practice between sessions. The majority of the work takes place between our sessions. The results you receive will be in direct proportion to the work you put into this process. I’m committed to doing everything in my power to help you in your relationship. I expect the same from you.
I’ll shoot straight with you. I’m not afraid to speak my mind. I’m not afraid to take charge of our sessions. I won’t collude with you in the sustaining the unhealthy parts of your relationship. I’ll hold you accountable for creating the relationship vision that you desire so strongly to create.
I’ll help “translate” between you and your partner(s). This is something I’ve had a great deal of practice at, and I’m really good at it. I can speak your language, whether intellectual or emotional, whether masculine or feminine, whether verbal or non-verbal. It’s one of my greatest gifts as a relationship counselor.
My job is to keep you emotionally safe and secure while you do the work. I take that very seriously. This is not a comfortable process intially. It will get better and you will get better as well.
We’ll laugh and have fun. This is serious work, and needs to be balanced with a sense of humor. I’m professional, yet relaxed and easy-going. I’m flexible, creative and out-of-the-box. I’ll do my best to put you at ease and have you be as comfortable as you can be through this challenging, yet rewarding process.
What is the structure for working together?
This is what our coaching relationship will look like:
Typically, we will work together from three to six months. We will determine this initial time frame during our complimentary consultation. After that time period, we will reassess and determine the value of an additional series of sessions. Alternatively, we may decide to complete our work and schedule “tune up” sessions periodically or as needed.
We will meet by Videoconference, Telephone or in person if you are in the Los Angeles area. Typically we will have two sessions/month, although we may choose to ‘front load’ with more frequent sessions initially as agreed upon. Session length is generally 50-60 minutes.
You will engage with partner(s) during the bulk of our sessions together. I will provide a safe environment, provide feedback, “translation”, tools and coaching. Remember though, the work is truly between the partners, not me.
You will learn valuable relationship tools and be expected to practice them between sessions. The results you desire are contingent upon your commitment to using the tools and working through your issues together. Action is required!
Our work will be custom designed for your particular relationship and situation. This is not a “cookie-cutter” program, although there will be some core relationship concepts that will be taught and experienced.
You will have access to me by email and telephone between sessions for quick clarification or feedback as needed.
Note: I have a strict “no secrets” policy in my work with relationships. I will notify your partner(s) of any contact between sessions and copy them on any email responses.
How will you know if working with me is a good fit?
Working with me might be right for you if:
1. You are committed to your partner(s) and to improving your relationship. Of course, if you are not certain that you want to remain in your relationship, we may work together to come to an inner knowing and act from that place.
2. You are open-minded and curious about yourself, your partner(s) and your relationship. You have an intention to learn and to grow. You are open to perspectives that may challenge your own.
3. You are open to being coached. You can acknowledge that at this stage in your relationship, if you could improve it on your own, you already would have done so. You don’t always have to agree with me, yet can you give me and my 25+ years of experience the benefit of the doubt? Your way hasn’t worked out so well. Can you be open to experimenting with my way for three to six months?
4. You are willing to accept direction and take action that may feel uncomfortable. You are willing to accept short-term discomfort for long-term results. Be assured, I won’t ask you to do anything that violates your personal values and ethics.
5. You are ready to be fully honest with yourself, your partner(s) and with me. Without that honesty, I guarantee you that working with me will not improve your relationship.
6. You are willing to take 100%, full responsibility for yourself in your relationship. You are willing to look at your contribution to the relationship issues. You are ready to stop finger-pointing and playing the “blame game” with your partner(s).
7. You are committed to being consistent, reliable, dependable and accountable to yourself, your partner(s) and to me during our work together. You will attend all sessions and will do the assignments to the best of your ability in a timely fashion.
Note: there will be no session held if you are not all present, unless we decide that some sessions would be helpful without all partners present.
8. You have the courage and willingness to face your fears, your discomfort and the “not knowing” that arises during our work. This is the biggest and most challenging requisite in committing to relationship work.
The bottom line though, is that you can’t truly know if working with me is right for your relationship until we talk. We must connect first to assess whether it is a good fit for all of us.
What Is The Next Step?
If reading this has caught your interest and you believe that working with me may achieve your desired results, let’s find out!
When you click below you will find a brief relationship questionnaire that you and your partner(s) may each download and fill out separately (don’t compare notes please). After I receive and review it, we will set up a complimentary consultation of approximately 15-20 minutes via telephone or video-conference.
During that time, we’ll get a feel for each other and I’ll learn more about the specific issues that impact your relationship. I’ll explain in more depth how we’ll work together and you will be able to ask me whatever questions you may have.
If we decide it’s a good fit, we’ll move forward from there. We will determine what initial time commitment is best for you, as well as the corresponding fee. We will set a time for our first session, and if appropriate, I may give you an assignment to prepare for that first session.
If any of us feel that this is not right for you at this time, no hard feelings, I’ll share my recommendations for you and wish you the best. No pressure to move forward with me.
Before you fill out the questionnaire, I recommend that you and your partner(s) read this page one more time, with an open heart and an open mind. Feel your commitment to each other and your willingness and dedication to have the best relationship possible. That is the state of being to being our work together.
Please download the questionnaire at the link below and fill it out. Then return it to me as an email attachment. I will contact you within one business day to schedule our Complimentary Consultation.