An earlier “Passion Assignment” post was about Appreciation. This post is about High Energy Fun which is a really important concept in helping couples stay connected in a loving, fun way.
Many of the couples that find their way into my office have become stuck in old, rigid patterns of interaction. Some patterns are cruel and painful, while others are simply tedious and boring. We start off our relationships being light and fun and loving and then something happens. While I don’t want to get into the typical process of how we move from the relationship stage of “Romantic Love” into the “Power Struggle” in this post, I do want to suggest an exercise to combat this stuckness.
When we first meet our partners, we are open and laugh and share in very child-like and loving ways. This is a good thing. So, let’s get back to doing what works! Let’s have fun like children do! The idea of High Energy Fun is to recapture that spirit of fun, of silliness, of spontaneity that children have. It’s silly, it’s frivolous, it has no extrinsic value. And yet internally, intrinsically, it is what keeps us alive and vital and connected.
Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to spend five to ten minutes, twice a week with your partner doing some type of High Energy Fun activity which will cause you not only to smile or giggle, but to burst out into deep belly-laughs! It may take you some practice and you’re going to have to move through your resistance, yet I encourage you to give it a try.
Some suggestions are:
1. Take turns making silly faces at each other.
2. Play “Simon Says” as fast as you can!
3. Have a conversation in gibberish (a silly pretend language) together.
4. Play “patty-cake” with your eyes closed, as fast as you can!
5. Play “leap-frog” together across the room.
Feel free to add any other old childhood game or something else that will make you burst into deep guffaws. Maybe it sounds simple or undignified or embarrassing to you, but I guarantee that if you try it for a few weeks, it will shift your relationship and make it so much more fun to be in.
Please write me with your ideas for High Energy Fun and also with your experiences of performing it with your partner.
I wish you the best,
Dr. Adam Sheck
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